Golf – Toner Tourney to Fight Cystic Fibrosis

Golf, it’s at once the most humbling of sports and, for that exact reason, one of the most comfortable to try. The fact is that golf is a sport requiring movement so unnatural to the human body that no one can complete their first attempt without looking like a failed contortionist act. The expectations when you go to first pick up a golf club are zero. This is a good thing; you can go pick up a club, hit the range this afternoon, and if you never connect the club to the ball everyone will just assume you are a beginner, as they once were.

It’s such a humbling experience because its premise is so ridiculously simple. There are no opponents creating obstacles to your success, and once you’ve hit one ball straight you can’t imagine any reasons why you shouldn’t be able to do it again.

You’ll walk up to the tee deck with confidence in your stride and think to yourself, “It’s a par 4. Just hit your first shot down the fairway, your second shot onto the green, putt the ball close to the hole, and then tap it in for a par. It’s easy.

Welcome to the delusional world of the golf course, which can mess with your head and turn even your friendly neighbourhood Mr. Rogers into a raging fountain of expletives. This brings us to the matter of etiquette. Golf is founded upon the ideal of being a gentlemen’s game – not in the sense that it excludes women (not anymore, anyways) but in the sense that you’re supposed to treat your competitors with respect, be quiet when they play their ball, replace divots and generally leave the course in better shape than you found it. Treat the course and your fellow golfers with respect and no one is going to care about your final score of 168.

And so it was that I took to the course with my cousin Paul and our friend Kyle for an annual tournament which raises both money and awareness to fight Cystic Fibrosis.

Of the following, which have each occurred every year of the tournament, only one would be different this time around (the answer is C):

a)      Neither Paul nor Kyle had touched a golf club since last years tourney.

b)      There would be wildly varying and inconclusive claims about what occurred during the day, with distracted witnesses and memory-loss blamed for the incongruities.

c)      I was told Paul’s brother Steve (the only chance for our team to be competitive) would join us, only to find out on the day of the tourney that I had been tricked again.

This year Steve arrived in the flesh, in fact, he drove us there. We didn’t emerge victorious, but for a day that was supposed to be full of rain showers we more than entertained ourselves. We still had to use at least one drive from each team member, and if you watch the video you’ll notice that was a challenge, but as I said – there are no expectations here.